Alright, sorry it's been a hot minute. Had a very busy - but productive - week. The second revision of my picture book Taio & Regit was completed! The story is stronger now, however, I still feel like it hasn't reached it's potential yet. I plan to set it aside and meditate on it for a while to see what kind of inspiration hits. Here are the biggest changes that I've made since the previous draft,
1) I cut down the word count from 740 to 600 words. Most picture books nowadays have a sweet spot of 500-600 words with 750 being the absolute max (long gone are the days when picture books could be longer, such as Stellaluna or Library Lion).
2) Aunty Kay and Uncle Jack have a much smaller role. Even though the title of the book is called Taio & Regit, Regit had a very small role in the last book. Therefore, I reduced their role to give our father tiger a bigger role in his son's life.
3) I took the load off of Taio. This was my picture book editor's biggest critique. In my last draft, I gave Taio a lot of pressure by making it seem like it was his job to fix Regit and to make sure Regit was getting help. That's a lot of work for a four-year old. Instead, I tried focusing on the fact that having a parent or loved one with depression was not his fault, his daddy still loved him, and that there was hope for recovery.
Like I said before, this picture book is getting stronger, and the time for querying draws close. Until then, please enjoy the second (still a work in progress) draft of Taio & Regit!
*Concept art by Abigail Jacoby
TAIO & REGIT
(Revision 2)
by Alexander Grigg
Taio knew his daddy was sad.
“Daddy, why are you sad?”
“I’m not sad,” said Regit. “I’m just sleepy.”
But Taio knew this wasn’t true. He knew when he was a Sleepy Daddy.
[Taio is a four year old tiger cub, Regit is his father]
Just like when he knew he was Super Daddy.
Or Silly Daddy.
Or Stinky Daddy.
But today, he was Sad Daddy, and Taio didn’t know why.
The next day, Taio waited for his daddy to pick him up, but it wasn’t his daddy who came. It was his favorite Aunty Kay and Uncle Jack.
“Where’s Daddy?” asked Taio.
“Oh, Taio,” said Aunty Kay. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Your daddy’s going to be gone for a little while,” said Uncle Jack. “He needed to get some help. We’re going to take care of you until he gets back.”
That night, Taio got a call from his daddy. His daddy sounded like he’d been crying.
“I’ll be back soon,” said Regit. “Be good for Aunty Kay and Uncle Jack.”
But Taio’s daddy was gone for a long time.
Sometimes there were days when Daddy didn’t call to say goodnight.
And days when Taio didn’t feel like being good.
And days when Taio thought maybe his daddy wasn’t ever coming back. Maybe it was all his fault.
“Taio? Why are you crying?” asked Aunty Kay.
“Daddy doesn’t want to come home because of me!” said Taio. “I made him sad!”
“That’s not true,” said Uncle Jack. “Your daddy loves you.”
But Taio didn’t believe them.
That night, Aunty Kay had a surprise for Taio. Somebody wanted to talk to him.
“Daddy!” he cried.
“Hey, buddy!” said Regit. His daddy sounded happier. “Do you want to tell me why you’ve been sad lately?” said Regit.
“Because I made you leave,” sniffled Taio. “I made you sad.”
“No,” said Regit gently. “I didn’t leave because you made me sad. I left because I was sick.”
“Sick?” said Taio.
“Yes,” said Regit. “I’m sick, Taio. Your daddy has depression.”
Taio had never heard this word before, but it made him shiver like there was a monster in the closet.
“What’s that?”
“Depression is a mental illness,” said Regit, “that makes it hard for people to feel happy. They can only feel sadness.”
“But why?” said Taio. “Why are you sad?”
“I don’t know,” said Regit. “There isn’t always a reason, sometimes it just happens. But it’s not your fault, Taio, and I’m sorry if I made you feel like it was.”
“I want you to come home,” said Taio.
“I will,” Daddy chuckled. “But not just yet. I’m at a hospital right now, with doctors who are helping me get better. When I do come home, I’ll be able to laugh and play with you again, I promise. I love you, Taio.”
The phone call made Taio feel better. His daddy had never stopped loving him. It wasn’t his fault.
Taio tried to be as good as he could be for Aunty Kay and Uncle Jack.
And he waited…
And waited…
Until finally…
[We see a set of illustrations that tell the story of Regit coming home. For the first time, we see Regit completely. He has a handsome face, with an expression that is somewhat nervous, somewhat apologetic, and very much emotional. He has a small present in his hands for Taio]
Daddy came home.
Taio’s daddy told him all about the place he’d stayed in. It was a Wellness Center, a hospital with doctors and volunteers who taught Regit how to fight depression. Taio was even able to meet Daddy’s therapist.
As the days went by, Taio saw that his daddy wasn’t so sad anymore.
Taio saw more of Super Daddy.
And Silly Daddy.
And even Stinky Daddy.
And sometimes, he was Sad Daddy. But Taio and Regit weren’t so worried anymore. They knew what to do. Sometimes they laughed. Sometimes they cried.
But, no matter what, it was wonderful.